The 2 Emotions That Destroy Our Goals
A lesson from an ultramarathon runner.
There are 2 emotions that kick our butts more than the others.
We are just minding our own business, trying to be productive, trying to get things done, trying to make things happen, when all of a sudden . . .
Shame
Guilt
Ugh.
They’re powerful, too, which makes it harder to see past them. We feel guilty for taking a break. We feel shame for not accomplishing what we said we would this week.
I recently saw a documentary featuring Courtney Dauwalter, an Ultramarathon runner. (“Ultra” marathon runners run those 100+ mile races.) I watched as she was ahead of the pack, beating everyone, and then she started feeling dizzy and sick. Near the end of the race, another runner passes her. Keep in mind, she was on pace to set a new course record.
Instead of letting shame rule the day, she comes to terms with the fact that she’s not going to hit her goal. She adjusts and says “well, I guess I need a new goal.”
That struck me.
That’s resilience.
Let’s be clear: I don’t think there’s any chance of not feeling shame or guilt. I don’t think there’s any chance of them not destroying our goals in the moment. The only way past them is to feel them, accept them, and realize that they’re over—and then set new goals.
Once you realize they’re in the past, it’s easier to look forward and chart a new course.
Let’s make the distinction between shame and guilt. GUILT= I made a mistake... Shame= I AM a mistake. Shame researcher Brene Brown says that guilt is productive and healthy in that in challenges us to grow and importantly there is Hope. It says, the mistake you made doesn’t define you and doesn’t mean you are unworthy of love. Shame on the other hand, is toxic, leaves us in our place, and leads only to despair and depression. Shame is also, interestingly, the basis for many addictions. So do we judge, pigeon hole, and and condemn others??? We are all diamonds in the rough and need to learn. You are successful if you love. What love is is another post!