Should You Beat Yourself up?
Character, accurate criticism, and the relationship with ourselves.
I’m pretty sure that every person reading this would agree that it doesn’t make sense to beat ourselves up.
We would all love to have a relationship with ourselves that is kind, forgiving, and encouraging—yet, sometimes we disappoint ourselves.
What I’ve noticed about this is that it’s not really about the act of beating yourself up, it’s more about how long you beat yourself up.
I’ve found that there isn’t really a known consequence for being temporarily mad at myself. It’s only problematic if two other things happen:
If that anger, frustration, or disappointment is chronic.
If that anger, frustration, or disappointment comes from a lack of belief in one’s own character.
I’d even go so far as to say that sometimes, beating myself up for a second can charge me up and motivate me to do better. I think if this anger comes from a place of knowing that I’m capable, but my results didn’t reflect it, it can create the motivation to fill the gap. It becomes more of a compulsion to prove it to myself.
So, I imagine that the foundational relationships and beliefs that we have about ourselves either set us up for healthy self-criticism or destructive self-criticism.
It just seems to me that “beating yourself up” should be defined a little more closely.
Endless self-flagellation has no point. Chronic rumination is in the same bucket. But, short bursts of truthful criticism can motivate someone who already knows they’re capable.