7 Things you need to know about Imposter Syndrome:
BY CHRIS DANILO — First appeared on chrisdanilo.com
BY CHRIS DANILO — First appeared on chrisdanilo.com
Are you tricking your friends and co-workers into thinking you’re smart?
They know I don’t belong.
I’m the only one in the room that doesn’t have a Ph.D. and isn’t some kind of genius. I just graduated from college, and I’m definitely under-qualified for this job.
I’m going to sound like an idiot in front of them, so I’d better not open my mouth.
How did I get here anyway? I must have tricked them into hiring me.
How many times have you walked into a room and felt this way?
When I graduated from Penn State, I was hired to manage a multi-million dollar pediatric neuroscience lab. I was ecstatic. It was a great way to get a good taste of graduate school, make some money, and stay relevant in my field.
But I will never forget walking into the first meeting I had with my team (the team that I was going to manage), realizing how inadequate I felt.
Don’t freak out.
It turns out, that this often happens when you start a new job. It might even happen when you start a new class, or even when you’re out with your friends at a bar and they start talking about their incredibly successful projects.
In fact, YOU frequent one of the most common venues for this experience every day.
More than 1 billion people go there and feel the same exact thing.
You’ve guessed it: Facebook.
How many more superficial photos of smiling faces must we see before self-condemning our crappy, meaningless lives?
Let me share a little secret:
WE ALL GO THROUGH THIS.
Sure, we’ve all read articles on how Facebook is changing the way we judge our lives (and others’). Is it irony, when those articles are shared on Facebook?
Listen, there’s a name for this self-critical experience:
Imposter Syndrome
I’m not kidding, it’s a recognized psychological phenomenon and we all go through it. (If you want to dig into the mechanics, here’s a free APA article to get you started.)
7 Things you need to know about Imposter Syndrome:
1. IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL.
This is part of growing as a person, learning, and stretching your abilities.
The feeling usually comes from not accepting your successes.
Ever get a compliment and shrug it off as a fluke, or something that just happened without you really trying? Here’s where it comes from. The more you start to give yourself credit for your accomplishments and successes, instead of just environmental factors, the more you’ll build an immunity to this feeling.
2. FRIENDS AND FAMILY DON’T ALWAYS HELP
Research is finding that many of those who experience Imposter Syndrome come from families where achievement is highly valued and pressurized.
3. BRACE YOURSELF FOR NEW ENDEAVORS
Imposter Syndrome also pops up in people who are at the start of a new venture. So if you know you’re about to accept a new job or move to a new place, it’s going to be easier to handle this feeling when you can expect it, label it, and realize that it’s not going to last forever.
4. PERFECTIONIST? PROCRASTINATOR?
You guessed it, that doesn’t help either. This is a real challenge.
Read my other post on perfectionism and procrastination for a personal example of how I’m battling perfectionism every day.
It might be more similar to your own story than you think.
5. ALL ALONE?
This is no good for anyone, since social relationships make such a broad impact on so many parts of our psychology. It’s no different here.
Get a mentor.
Actually, get 3 mentors.
If you can find 3 people in your life that can:
Talk to you for a half-hour, once a month
Offer their honest perspective
Give real, candid feedback
. . . you’re going to have a much easier time rolling with the punches.
It’s so much easier when you can see that other people are human, have made bigger mistakes than you, and have still succeeded.
It’s also really helpful just to have someone who will listen to you share your fears for a few minutes so that you can step out of your own head and verbally process what’s going on.
6. REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU ACTUALLY DO.
One of the things that a mentor told me when I was experiencing this for the first time was: make a list of all the things you do.
Go ahead, pop open Evernote and jot down a list for a few days. You’ll be shocked at how long that list starts to get with all of your talents and successes.
7. BE FREAKING NICER TO YOURSELF.
This is easily the most difficult part of letting go of perfectionism.
I mean, it’s those who are never satisfied who make the biggest change and impact in the world, right?
Well, maybe some of them do, but there are plenty of people who do it without this philosophy. In fact, when you think about it, never being satisfied with your progress just seems like a great way to . . . never be satisfied. Not exactly a shortcut to happiness, is it?
What are you shooting for? Progress, or happiness? If you pick progress, you’re not allowed to complain that you’re unhappy!
If you give yourself time, forgive yourself for imperfections, and talk to others who’ve been through tough times before. You’ll be amazed at the impact on your psyche, your productivity, and your happiness.
Fail fast. Fall forward. Rock on.
You might also like these posts:
One Way I Learned to Let Go of Perfectionism and Stop Procrastinating
Are You Tricking Your Friends and Co-Workers Into Thinking You’re Smart?
24 Life Changing Productivity Tools
Thanks for reading!
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